What Happened to the Time?

Over the past 5-6 years I have received numerous tidbits of advice on parenting and childhood. Simply put, the advice I hear most frequently is , "Treasure the moments." And to be quite truthful I do and at times I don't. How could I honestly say that I treasure 2 hours of crying/fighting/whining/cleaning and more crying! That would be unreasonable. But I do attempt to see a bigger picture than just those blocks of time. Cherishing the looks, the sayings, the kind gestures that are occasionally exchanged, the moments they achieve something for the first time, their faces while they are peacefully sleeping. The moments that hit me when I think, 'these children are mine.......' High school memories a blurb and the single life a universe away, flash forward to parenthood. The moment my life began. And here I am almost 5 years later.

I constantly question myself, 'Am I doing things right? More importantly, 'Am I doing things wrong?' Then I quickly scold myself because by the time I think I have it figured out I realize I have wasted precious time concerning myself with things that don't matter. Are my children healthy and happy? I can confidently say yes. So I must be doing things right, right?

Even in knowing this, I can't help but feel guilt about one thing I know I have done wrong. By the time I knew what was happening it was too late to stop. Having children close together most certainly has its advantages, however, your daily life pace increases ten fold. Maddox was one year and 7 days old when Jaxon Carl came into this world. It didn't take me long to realize that I simply didn't have the time to do the things that I was able to do with Maddox during his first year. No monthly pictures, no scrap booking , no documenting of any sort. Nothing.

Recently a friend sent me a picture of Jaxon being held by a clown. I don't remember the day, where we were at or who we were with. I found myself struggling to pull memories of Jaxon as a baby. It was not that long ago. I believe I was in survival mode and just didn't know it or want to acknowledge it. Now don't get me wrong, I am and have been in survival mode for a long time. The difference is I know it now, I have worked harder to recognize it and I truly have made a effort to document more with the expansion of our family. Hence the blog.

Some nights I lay next to Jaxon while he is sleeping and can't help the overwhelmingly sad feeling that rushes over me. He has gotten so big and is so independent. He rarely needs or searches for my affection and I blame myself for being caught in the whirlwind of the past few years. I apologize to him and find it hard to leave his side some nights. I put his hand in mine and trace the outline of his little fingers struggling to remember the way they were as a pudgy baby, but careful to hold onto how they are now.

I've said it before, I welcome the progress, growing, changes and birthdays my children go through, but I can't and won't forget the days that I am going through now. These are not only the times I want to treasure, but most importantly,... the memories.

It Happened... Our first broken bone:(

Before I get into the "news", let me update you quickly on how busy ( hmmmm, go figure?...me use the word busy again! ) my/our past week has been.

4-12 I worked

4-13 Cami and Caron flew in. I brought the Fire Engine to the kids school for a visit and tour.

4-14 Training for a committee I recently got involved with for the Fire Dept. ( Critical Incident

Stress Management "CISM" ) during the evening.

4-15 I worked ( Last shift at my old station 7:( Sad, will miss them )

4-16 Introducing Nicki's Kid Center ( I had 8 kids ages 6 and under all afternoon and 3 stayed

the night. Thank you to Mimi because she kept Maddox. Surprisingly it went GREAT! We

played in the sprinklers all afternoon, assembly lined bath and showers, dinner, movie and

bedtime. Everyone was on their best behavior and all slept well:)

4-17 I worked ( first day at my new station. It's way out in the country. We are surrounded by

cows, horses a gator and an occasional bobcat! Big changes and looking forward to catching

up on training and rest!! )

4-18 I worked :P ( This was my day off on my old shift , but I owed someone a day from months

ago. I LOVE my job and typically one day away from my rugrats is tolerable, but 2 days in

a row gets to be a little rough. Arik thankfully brought the kids out to say hi, which of

course I appreciated: )

ANNNNNNND that's where the "drama" comes in. So I get a phone call around 5 or 6 the night of the 18th. Arik was concerned because apparently Jaxon drank some RedBull and thought he had wings. ( No he didn't really drink RedBull ) . Jaxon attempted to jump off the top of the swingset and landed hard on his left arm. Arik said that he did not see any obvious deformity, but said that Jaxon had been whimpering about his left arm "really hurting him". I immediately called my Grandpa who is able to do x-rays. He agreed to meet Arik right away at his office. Thankfully my Mom was home and was able to watch the other kiddos.

When Jaxon got to the office , he was only complaining of his wrist and hand hurting him. He was able to move his writ though and wiggle his fingers. The concerning part was that he had been supporting his arm with his other hand the whole time. ( Now Jax is a pretty good faker and can put on a show, but even he gets bored with the act and wouldn't put on for this long....I knew something had to be up ) My Grandpa took an x-ray of his hand and wrist area and there was no obvious fracture. He gave him a brace and made sure that Arik watched him closely. If there was still pain in the am he wanted him to go to the Emergency Room.

Meanwhile back at work I am progressively getting sicker ( aches, chills, headache and sore throat ) . Thankfully we slept most of the night. Our morning tones went off at 7 am to wake us up and not a minute later I get a phone call from Arik. " You need to take Jax to the ER. He was up 2-3 times throughout the night crying because he was in pain. " I asked how he was and Arik said he had been laying in bed with his arm propped on a pillow.

I told my Lt. who knew what was going on and they let me leave work a little early. When I got home I immediately went in to check on the little guy. I knew right away from how he presented to me that something was up. Believe me if one of Jaxon's arms is not swinging/flailing/hitting or batting I know something is wrong! I checked his movement in his fingers and wrist and he seemed fine, but when I asked him to lift his arm up he said he couldn't. ( Now keep in mind this whole time he isn't crying, whining or scared. ) I explain to him that I'm pretty sure he broke his arm and that we needed to go down to the hospital to have it checked out. He looked at me and laughed, " My arm isn't broke!!! Seeeeee " I smiled and told him that it was not actually his arm, but the bone inside.

If I had planned ahead I would have brought a triangle bandaged and sling from work, but I was in such a rush I didn't think about it. So I made a makeshift sling with a long-sleeve stretchy shirt ( as you can see in the pictures ) . Jaxon thought it was absolutely ridiculous and unnecessary, but he wore it and did admit to it feeling better.

When we got to the ER we lucked out. The same Physicians Assistant that did Jaxon's stitches was there and we specially requested he come again. He has a heavy accent and is quite funny and certainly has a way with kids. Jaxon had made up his mind that he wasn't going to talk to anyone, but within seconds of Alberto being in the room Jaxon was cracking up. He poked Jaxon with his finger in the belly and under the chin and tweaked his ears to make sure he was in working order. Jaxon asked him if he was going to cut his arm off. He replied matter of factly, " No because what would we put there? A wooden arm? With a hook?" He told Jaxon if he had a hook for a hand all he would be able to do is poke at all the little cookaraches. He then made several poking gestures on the end of the stretcher. He did say that Jaxon could put a patch on a row a little inflatable boat with his good arm and when all his friends ask him why he has a wooden arm with hook an eye patch and an inflatable boat, he could reply, " because that's just me!" Well by this point Jaxon was even more relaxed and Alberto was able to completely assess Jax with no problem. Jaxon let him hold his arm, turn it and poke at it. Watching Jaxon and how he was tolerating it, I thought, ' Well gosh, maybe nothing is wrong and it's just bruised.'

We were taken to another room for x-rays. The x-ray techs were very impressed with how brave Jaxon was in there as well. He never cried out or seemed concerned that he was laying on a small bed in the middle of a big room with a heavy blanket over him and huge equipment just above his head.

After the x-rays it was back to the room for more waiting. Thankfully we had a t.v. with cartoons. Oddly enough the only complaints I got from Jax all morning was that he was a. hungry, b. bored and c. that his back hurt from laying down! Alberto came back in after a while and confirmed the bad news. Jaxon had most definitely fractured his radius and possibly 2 other places on his ulna right at the elbow. I asked about the cast and he said that would be the least of it. He felt as though there may be a need for surgery because of the fractures that might exist near the growth plates. He told us that he was going to refer us to a pediatric orthopedic surgeon for further examination and follow-up. However, we were going to have to wait a few days for the swelling to go down. In the meantime he put a nice rigid splint on Jaxon's whole arm and gave us a sling ( which Jaxon incessantly complained about. He told me the sling hurt his neck. Even though it is made of a very soft material and was not on tight. He just gets bothered when things are around him! )

It's amazing to me how kids adapt so quickly. Jaxon figured out how to maneuver and use his good arm in no time. I think he has a false sense of confidence now that it is wrapped. I had to remind him several times to take it easy....and "No Jaxon...you can't wrestle Ty!"

I scheduled our visit to Dr. Sugar, the ortho Dr. for Thurs at 2:15. I just pray that our little buddy doesn't need surgery:(

Today is 4-20 and I am working again. I sent Jaxon to my good friend Sonia's for the morning. I decided to go to work to hopefully get some rest and be away from the kiddos so hopefully I don't get them sick again. ( At least at work I can space myself ). Sonia has been texting me and Jaxon is doing great. She has had no problems this morning and said he is behaving perfectly.

So tomorrow we will find out what our next step is and I will of course update when I can! I will also try to put up the pics of the x-ray if I am able to. Until then please say prayers for Jackie Jack:)

Busy Week Update!!!

Ai yi yi!!! We have had a very full week so I apologize for the lack of updates and pictures. Dee and Di-Di arrived last week with a special visitor, Adam! The boys could hardly wait to spend time with them. There is just too much to write about, each day could fill up an entire post. So in brief, we spent the past week going to the beach, the Splashpark, the playground, kindergarten round-up ( for Maddox...more on that event that completely bombed! ) sleepovers, alligator airboat tours , the moon, a wedding and the circus! Okay, I lied about the moon, but we/they did everything else!

The kids could not have got along better. I'm telling you what, they were perfect and picked up exactly where they left off last time they were together. You'd think that they played together every weekend. Maddox's face glowed one of the days as him and Adam hugged each other when I told him he wasn't going to have to take a nap that day!

Jaxon was in his first wedding on Saturday. Arik's best friend Derek tied the knot and asked that he be the ring bearer. I had the camera rolling in anticipation that I may have the next big youtube hit, not knowing what antics to expect from Jaxon walking down the aisle. But much to Arik and my surprise, he did GREAT! Well, minus the fart he let slip during the ceremony. The church was about the size of a small classroom and little Jaxon let one rip and then apparently turned to Arik and asked him if, "it stunk" !!! If only I had been sitting closer!

Today was Dee, Di-Di and Adam's last day here. I actually felt very bad for the boys, they were so bummed to have to say goodbye. I assured him that we would see each other again soon though. hmmmmmmm do I sense a trip in the works????? Let see what we can cook up Stephanie haha;)

Can You Believe It!!??!!

I have been counting down the days in anticipation . As many of you know ( because I have been talking about it incessantly! ) , the twins had their first day of school on Friday!! WOO-HOO!!!! I didn't even care that they would be starting on a Friday. Mon -Fri 9-12. Perfect. Mothers understand when I say, you can't underestimate the value of 3 hours to your self.

So how did the first day go? The morning was slightly chaotic, but what's new? I got off work an hour early so that I could make sure I was home on time to have things ready. ( ok....completely off subject, but I feel the need to mention that Maddox is gleefully prancing around the back yard dangling a dead water logged lizard! Ughh, for those of you that know me, you know I loathe lizards. My stomach just churned )

We actually left the house on schedule and while driving down the road I completed my mental checklist: backpacks? check. shot record? check. lunches? check. sippy cups? ch---ughhhhh!!! I forgot their sippy cups!!! Great. At this point I was almost at their school so turning around was not an option. And I had 9:30 plans to meet with a good friend for breakfast ( who by the way happens to pick on my time management skills so I was gonna be darned if I showed up late when I insisted I'd be on time! ) I quickly called Mimi who lives right don the road from the school, hoping that maybe she would have spare sippys on hand.....nope. I assumed that I would just have to run across the way to CVS and buy 2 new ones. In the meantime I decided to get the kids to school and worry about the cups later.

Every morning when we pull into the school driveway, Ty throws a fit immediately because he wants so badly to get out with the boys. Today he was so excited because before he had a chance to let out a ug, I cut him off and asked if he wanted to get out too. I should mention that whenever something makes Ty happy or he sees something worth his while he throws his right hand in the air and yells out flatly "NAY!" ( which of course in Ty speak is Yay! ) . ...So it came as no surprise when after I asked, he threw his hand up with a "Nay!"

I think the boys were just as excited as me that the babies were starting. Jaxon loved the idea that he was going to get to have playground time with the twins class. And Maddox just plain thought it was cool. The boys were really helpful getting them out of the car and helping them with their backpacks ( By the way, best 10 dollar Illinois Walmart investment I made. They are so cute!!) Ty had a little spiderman backpack that straps in the front and gives the appearance that he is wearing a spiderman vest. Olivia's on the other hand has the Disney princesses with a ruffled strap in the front. Adorable. So armed with their matching school uniform shirts and new backpacks they marched to class.

I had zero issue dropping them off or leaving them. They took to that classroom like they were seasoned students, leaving my side without a glance in my direction. I broke the news to their teacher , Ms. Courtney that I dropped the ball and forgot their cups. And thank goodness, she was prepared more than me because she had extras that she was more than willing to share. Phew! Saved.

I helped her load the kids into the bye-bye buggy ( a red stroller for 6 ) as she pushed them to another classroom for a few minutes. It was very nostalgic for me. When Maddox was two and first started at GSL I can remember watching him load into the bye-bye buggy. It's amazing that 3 kids later, I get to watch it again.

I didn't want to make a big deal of waving good-bye, so I blew kisses and sort of snuck off. With no tears shed from any of us that morning, I was off!

The drive down the interstate to meet with my friend was .......quiet. Save for the music I had playing. I didn't even want to make a phone call. I just wanted the reality of the morning to set in.

So what did I do? Well I made it to breakfast with Tina on time for starters. After enjoying a great kid-free breakfast we went and got a mani/pedi!!! Hahaha. I don't know when the last time I did that was. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The twins teacher texted me around 1100 and told me that they were doing great. At that point I settled a little farther into the massaging chair and breathed a big sigh!!

Mom of the year award goes to me. I was of course 10 min late picking them up for their first day. They were happy to see me, but guess what!? Ty didn't want to leave! The teacher gave them a good report and told me they had no troubles. I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear that.

While every morning won't be filled with breakfast and nails done, I can tell you I will be doing a lot of things that in my little world will make me very happy. I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to send my children to class and know that they are enjoying themselves and benefiting from their school time as much as I am:)

P.S. I attached a couple videos of Ty playing the trombone. Just cracked me up!!!