I remember thinking to myself, ' There have only been two other times that I have asked Arik to pick me up Pepto Bismol'. As I swallowed the plastic capful of the thick, pink, bubblegum tasting tummy tamer, the realization hit me....'Oh my goodness, what if I am pregnant?' The possibilty definitely existed, but nontheless, it was still the farthest thing from our minds at the time. Maddox and Jaxon were finally getting to the point where we recognized that they were becoming more self-sufficient, our sleep at home was excellent , not to mention I was just under a year at my new job with the Fire Department.
I kept my thoughts to myself, not wanting to sound the alarm prematurely, but the time had come to find out. I'd been through this routine before. Every parent will tell you, waiting for "that line" truly feels like hours. Tick.....tick....tick. Ding ding ding!! I think I momentarily blanked out as that line whooshed right off the stick, did a little dance in front of my face and mockingly whispered to me, "Here you go again lady!" I swear it laughed at me as it danced back onto the stick and I regained my mind. My first thought of course was, 'What is Arik going to say?' Several emotions entered my body, but I knew that in the mix, excitement was pounding through my veins.
"Seriously Nicole?" Poor Arik still had trouble decifering between sarcastic, teasing Nicole and the not so joking Nicole. I looked at him and nodded, "Yep." We had become pretty good at this conversation by now. We talked about how things were going to change, the boys, transportation, work, us. But we knew then that we had another little blessing coming our way, ready or not.
My 9 week check-up was there before I knew it. I casually left the house, Arik in charge of the boys. " I'll be back soon" I assured him. I had told Arik not to worry about coming, we had already done the first appointment thing and knew that it was pretty routine and there wasn't a lot for him to do. It was more of a help for him to stay home with the boys over nap time.
My Doctor looked at me and said, " Welcome back!" I laughed as I teased, "Atleast I gave you a year break this time!" Let me just mention that I lucked into the best OB EVER ...period. He put me at ease through each of my pregancies and was there to constantly reassure me that I was doing a great job.
Sitting in the small room, looking out the window, with my comfortable and stylish paper gown barely covering me , I thought about everything that Arik and I had been through together, I reflected on the couple years we had with our boys and the love I had for them and then a thought crossed my mind. Up until that point I had not seriously ever considered it, 'What if I'm having multiples? Haha, can you imagine Arik's expression?' Then as quickly as the thought had come, it left.
The nurse walked in a few minutes later and I set the magazine down that I had been breezing through. We exchanged a little small talk and I summarized life at home with Maddox and Jaxon. I noticed however, that she had wheeled in a primitive sonogram machine. I didn't recall having a ultrasound so early on in my pregancy before. In hindsight, maybe they saw elevated results with the ol' pee test and had their suspicions! My Doctor walked up and my nerves kicked in, 'This is really happening,' I thought. Eventually he wheeled the small black circular chair up to the end of the exam table and sat down. The nurse was at my right side and the sonogram machine sat between myself and my Doctor facing away. I layed there quietly, focusing on the shapes on the ceiling. The room became very small and I switched my concentration to what my Doctor had to say. I quickly sucked in a breath of air and cringed a little as he squirted the bottle of cool goo on my abdomen. ( I think they secretly get a chuckle out of doing that!) Within seconds he was circling the ultrasound wand across my belly. I listened to him let out a couple of "uh huhs and mm's and okay" and then came the next words from his mouth that I will never forget..." Well, everything looks per.....whoops " Panicked, I thought of everything that "whoops" could mean. " Is everything okay?" I could hardly get it out. He looked at me and then glanced at the nurse. " I think you should lay back", he said. He turned the monitor around to face me. Now I'm no expert at ultrasounds, but at that moment I knew I didn't have to be. There might as well have been two giant neon signs with fireworks going off in the background that read 'THERE ARE TWO OF US HERE!!' It took me a second as I studied what was clearly two dark circles on the screen. The nurse chimed in, "You're having twins!" I laugh now, but the first words out of my mouth were, " You've got to be shitting me!" I quickly covered my mouth embarassed and then immediately the tears began to fall and those turned to sobs and I felt myself losing control of my body as I shook from head to toe. It felt like a good minute had passed when I looked up at my Doctor and meekly said to him, " They are happy tears" as a smile welcomed itself onto my face. Up until this point the expression on their faces had been blank as it seemed they didn't know what to make of my emotions. The tension in the air relieved itself as they simultaneously let out sighs of relief and then, "Congratulations!" Once I had fully regained myself I looked at my Doctor and attempted my most serious face, " Are you SURE that there are only two in there?" He laughed and reassured me there were just two and finishing his earlier statement let me know that everything looked perfect. It was all starting to make sense. So that was why I was so stinkin' sick this time!!
I'll never forget my Mom's reaction to finding out we were having another child. We had just left a benefit for a friend of mine who had just had quads! Merging onto the interstate ( I know, great timing) I casually had asked her, " So what do you think would be harder having quads or 3 under the age of three?" She paused, thinking about her answer and then whipped her head in my direction, " Nicki, are you? Are you pregant?" One down, rest of the family to go. So driving to the office where my Mom worked, I played out how I was going to reveal to news of twins.
Mom was sitting in the breakroom getting ready to eat a beautiful salad. I sat down next to her to tell her about my first official appointment. She asked how it went and again I nonchalantly pulled out the ultrasound pictures and said, " Well the Doctor says they look great and told me that I am roughly 9 weeks along" My poor Mom had her first bite halfway up to her mouth as she looked at me and said, " Did you say they?" She laughed and cried and eventually pushed her salad towards me and said she couldn't even finish her it now:)
I was a little more anxious to share the news with Arik. After all, he was just easing into the fact that we were going to be welcoming another little bundle to our household. I tiptoed up the stairs and saw that he was peacefully sleeping, bundled under the covers....Oh so unsuspecting. I gently shook him, " Arik, Arik.....wake up." He grumbled a little and rolled towards me. At this point the originality had left me and I decided to use the same, 'they look great line' . I waited, his eyes never opened, he responded, " yeah right, whatever" and heaved himself back over facing the other direction. Honestly, I think once again I had cried wolf too many times in the past and he found it hard to take much of what I said seriously! And that was that. To this day, I would pay to know what his immediate thought was when the reality hit him. One thing I didn't have to guess about was what kind of father he was going to be or if the babies would be loved. I knew from the boys that Arik was a natural at being a father and you wouldn't find a man that loved his kids more than he did.
The next few months were a whirlwind. I continued my job and felt so blessed that they allowed me to continue in my line of work and blessed that I was healthy enough to work. Preparations were endless, I mean, come on....how can you really prepare both physically and emotionally for the addition of 2 more children. I believed that I was as prepared as I could be, however.
I have to admit, I was extremely excited to find out what we were having. I automatically assumed we would be having identical twins seeing as how those are typically "flukes". I clearly remember the night we found out for sure that we atleast had one more little boy coming our way. Our friend was doing an ultrasound for us and she looked at me and said, " OH HO, that's definitely a boy in there!" We were still too early to see baby B, so we had to endure the anticipation a few more weeks! But, before we knew it the day came that we found out a little Princess was joining the crew. I have to say I was a little skeptical at first, but after several visits and further confirrmation I was as convinced as I was going to be! 3 boys and a girl!!! What amazing gifts God had given and was giving us?
My pregancy as a whole was extremely uneventful, atleast as far as I was fortunate enough to avoid any early complications. However, it was slightly eventful in other ways. The twins can officially say they fought their first fires before they were born. We had 2 fires during my pregnancy while I was at work. I knew my limitations and my crew knew about my pregnancy and they were all supportive of me on scene. I also completed a confined space training obstacle course when I was about 5 mo pregnant. I was always very cautious to monitor my health and my safety, but as long as I continued to get the green light from my Doctor and my job, I decided to continue working.
But then March came. I knew at this point that I was ready to tap out. I was very exhausted at this point, physically and mentally. In the beginning of March I finally went on leave. I thought I was good to go a few weeks longer and during a routine exam I found out that I was dilated. Not extremely uncommon, but it raised a red flag nontheless. I certainly didn't want to go yet I was only about 30 weeks. Another week passed and every so often I would feel small contractions. The process had started and all I could do was attempt to slow it down. My Doctor put me on strict bedrest. Ha yeah right. My bed on the couch lasted all of .....hmmm...2 hours and next thing you know, I am up fixing lunch, changing the kids etc.. No fault to Arik, I mean he did what he could, but I really think that unless you have hired help, strict bedrest with a 1 and 2 yo was near impossible!
I was going in for weekly check-ups by mid-March and it was a Friday. I just knew something was different. My back was killing me, I couldn't get comfortable and the contractions would not stop. I was pretty sure it was going to be the day. Try as they might, the nurses couldn't stop the labor. After several attempts via drugs, my Doctor said, "Nicole these babies are coming whether we like it or not!" I breathed in a sigh of relief/fear. At that moment I felt so ready, yet so ...unready.
Labor and birth with the twins was fast. Everything from being wheeled down the hallway, to my Doctor suiting up to hearing them coax me into a push. Holding Arik's hand we welcomed our precious Ty into the world. I saw his little head and face and was overcome with emotion. Before I even had time to think any further I was being instructed to push again. There was going to be No time for a break in between, she was ready to come. My beautiful, pink little bundle of love Olivia came to us so quickly. The look that Arik and I shared at that moment will always be in my mind. We knew our lives had once again been changed forever.
I got to hold my babies briefly before they whisked them off. I remember looking at how perfect they were and how small! I felt like I had never touched something so delicate before. I kissed them both and handed them to the nurses. What a strange feeling it was, knowing that I couldn't hold them for sometime. Knowing that my babies were going to need extra care and attention because they were born at 34 weeks. I immediately felt lonely for not having them at my side.
The next two weeks were quiet possible the longest two weeks of my life. Arik and I shared and experience that only a parent who has had a child in the NICU would/could understand. I have to admit, there were several days that I felt extreme guilt that they were there. Could I have done more to keep them in me? But how silly of me to question God's plan. He certainly knew what he was doing. And let me tell you, those nurses in the NICU are angels. They taught me how to be a mother of premmies, what to expect, what to look forward to and many how to's. Even though I was not a first time Mom I still had a lot to learn.
When the two weeks were up I was able to bring my little Ty guy home. It was certainly bittersweet I thought as I placed a little bow on Olivia's head and set an easter egg next to her "crib" in the NICU. "You will be with us in a few days my sweet Olivia", I whispered to her.
The day after Easter our family felt complete as we brought Livi Bean home to meet her brothers.
This year has been surreal. I mean....I have 4 beautiful amazing children. I ask myself and God all the time, " Why do I deserve this?" I still can't believe it has been a year. I look at my little babies and they are not so little any more. It's amazing to me to watch their personalities take shape and how COMPLETLEY different they are already. Life has changed drastically, the attention that I get with the four kids is a little embarassing. I have people stop me on a daily basis. It's usually the same questions and of course my all time favorite statement, " Boy, you sure have your hands full!" ......'Yes, Yes I do, thanks for noticing'
Unfortunatley, today I am at work and we are to celebrate the twins birthday tomorrow, oddly enough I had my first delivery today. A young mother delivered her child on the bathroom floor and we literally arrived onscene just after. I had to suck in a big breath of air to keep from tearing up at the beauty of a new innocent life. As I wrapped the little baby and held him in my arms feelings of this day one year ago rushed back to me. I looked at that tiny little wrinkled face and thought of Ty and Olivia. How appropriate I thought.
To my sweet babies Ty and Olivia, I love you both more than you can imagine. You have brought such a joy to my heart. I can't wait to see what the next year has in store for us. Happy First Birthday!
Love,
Your Mother and your your friend forever
I kept my thoughts to myself, not wanting to sound the alarm prematurely, but the time had come to find out. I'd been through this routine before. Every parent will tell you, waiting for "that line" truly feels like hours. Tick.....tick....tick. Ding ding ding!! I think I momentarily blanked out as that line whooshed right off the stick, did a little dance in front of my face and mockingly whispered to me, "Here you go again lady!" I swear it laughed at me as it danced back onto the stick and I regained my mind. My first thought of course was, 'What is Arik going to say?' Several emotions entered my body, but I knew that in the mix, excitement was pounding through my veins.
"Seriously Nicole?" Poor Arik still had trouble decifering between sarcastic, teasing Nicole and the not so joking Nicole. I looked at him and nodded, "Yep." We had become pretty good at this conversation by now. We talked about how things were going to change, the boys, transportation, work, us. But we knew then that we had another little blessing coming our way, ready or not.
My 9 week check-up was there before I knew it. I casually left the house, Arik in charge of the boys. " I'll be back soon" I assured him. I had told Arik not to worry about coming, we had already done the first appointment thing and knew that it was pretty routine and there wasn't a lot for him to do. It was more of a help for him to stay home with the boys over nap time.
My Doctor looked at me and said, " Welcome back!" I laughed as I teased, "Atleast I gave you a year break this time!" Let me just mention that I lucked into the best OB EVER ...period. He put me at ease through each of my pregancies and was there to constantly reassure me that I was doing a great job.
Sitting in the small room, looking out the window, with my comfortable and stylish paper gown barely covering me , I thought about everything that Arik and I had been through together, I reflected on the couple years we had with our boys and the love I had for them and then a thought crossed my mind. Up until that point I had not seriously ever considered it, 'What if I'm having multiples? Haha, can you imagine Arik's expression?' Then as quickly as the thought had come, it left.
The nurse walked in a few minutes later and I set the magazine down that I had been breezing through. We exchanged a little small talk and I summarized life at home with Maddox and Jaxon. I noticed however, that she had wheeled in a primitive sonogram machine. I didn't recall having a ultrasound so early on in my pregancy before. In hindsight, maybe they saw elevated results with the ol' pee test and had their suspicions! My Doctor walked up and my nerves kicked in, 'This is really happening,' I thought. Eventually he wheeled the small black circular chair up to the end of the exam table and sat down. The nurse was at my right side and the sonogram machine sat between myself and my Doctor facing away. I layed there quietly, focusing on the shapes on the ceiling. The room became very small and I switched my concentration to what my Doctor had to say. I quickly sucked in a breath of air and cringed a little as he squirted the bottle of cool goo on my abdomen. ( I think they secretly get a chuckle out of doing that!) Within seconds he was circling the ultrasound wand across my belly. I listened to him let out a couple of "uh huhs and mm's and okay" and then came the next words from his mouth that I will never forget..." Well, everything looks per.....whoops " Panicked, I thought of everything that "whoops" could mean. " Is everything okay?" I could hardly get it out. He looked at me and then glanced at the nurse. " I think you should lay back", he said. He turned the monitor around to face me. Now I'm no expert at ultrasounds, but at that moment I knew I didn't have to be. There might as well have been two giant neon signs with fireworks going off in the background that read 'THERE ARE TWO OF US HERE!!' It took me a second as I studied what was clearly two dark circles on the screen. The nurse chimed in, "You're having twins!" I laugh now, but the first words out of my mouth were, " You've got to be shitting me!" I quickly covered my mouth embarassed and then immediately the tears began to fall and those turned to sobs and I felt myself losing control of my body as I shook from head to toe. It felt like a good minute had passed when I looked up at my Doctor and meekly said to him, " They are happy tears" as a smile welcomed itself onto my face. Up until this point the expression on their faces had been blank as it seemed they didn't know what to make of my emotions. The tension in the air relieved itself as they simultaneously let out sighs of relief and then, "Congratulations!" Once I had fully regained myself I looked at my Doctor and attempted my most serious face, " Are you SURE that there are only two in there?" He laughed and reassured me there were just two and finishing his earlier statement let me know that everything looked perfect. It was all starting to make sense. So that was why I was so stinkin' sick this time!!
I'll never forget my Mom's reaction to finding out we were having another child. We had just left a benefit for a friend of mine who had just had quads! Merging onto the interstate ( I know, great timing) I casually had asked her, " So what do you think would be harder having quads or 3 under the age of three?" She paused, thinking about her answer and then whipped her head in my direction, " Nicki, are you? Are you pregant?" One down, rest of the family to go. So driving to the office where my Mom worked, I played out how I was going to reveal to news of twins.
Mom was sitting in the breakroom getting ready to eat a beautiful salad. I sat down next to her to tell her about my first official appointment. She asked how it went and again I nonchalantly pulled out the ultrasound pictures and said, " Well the Doctor says they look great and told me that I am roughly 9 weeks along" My poor Mom had her first bite halfway up to her mouth as she looked at me and said, " Did you say they?" She laughed and cried and eventually pushed her salad towards me and said she couldn't even finish her it now:)
I was a little more anxious to share the news with Arik. After all, he was just easing into the fact that we were going to be welcoming another little bundle to our household. I tiptoed up the stairs and saw that he was peacefully sleeping, bundled under the covers....Oh so unsuspecting. I gently shook him, " Arik, Arik.....wake up." He grumbled a little and rolled towards me. At this point the originality had left me and I decided to use the same, 'they look great line' . I waited, his eyes never opened, he responded, " yeah right, whatever" and heaved himself back over facing the other direction. Honestly, I think once again I had cried wolf too many times in the past and he found it hard to take much of what I said seriously! And that was that. To this day, I would pay to know what his immediate thought was when the reality hit him. One thing I didn't have to guess about was what kind of father he was going to be or if the babies would be loved. I knew from the boys that Arik was a natural at being a father and you wouldn't find a man that loved his kids more than he did.
The next few months were a whirlwind. I continued my job and felt so blessed that they allowed me to continue in my line of work and blessed that I was healthy enough to work. Preparations were endless, I mean, come on....how can you really prepare both physically and emotionally for the addition of 2 more children. I believed that I was as prepared as I could be, however.
I have to admit, I was extremely excited to find out what we were having. I automatically assumed we would be having identical twins seeing as how those are typically "flukes". I clearly remember the night we found out for sure that we atleast had one more little boy coming our way. Our friend was doing an ultrasound for us and she looked at me and said, " OH HO, that's definitely a boy in there!" We were still too early to see baby B, so we had to endure the anticipation a few more weeks! But, before we knew it the day came that we found out a little Princess was joining the crew. I have to say I was a little skeptical at first, but after several visits and further confirrmation I was as convinced as I was going to be! 3 boys and a girl!!! What amazing gifts God had given and was giving us?
My pregancy as a whole was extremely uneventful, atleast as far as I was fortunate enough to avoid any early complications. However, it was slightly eventful in other ways. The twins can officially say they fought their first fires before they were born. We had 2 fires during my pregnancy while I was at work. I knew my limitations and my crew knew about my pregnancy and they were all supportive of me on scene. I also completed a confined space training obstacle course when I was about 5 mo pregnant. I was always very cautious to monitor my health and my safety, but as long as I continued to get the green light from my Doctor and my job, I decided to continue working.
But then March came. I knew at this point that I was ready to tap out. I was very exhausted at this point, physically and mentally. In the beginning of March I finally went on leave. I thought I was good to go a few weeks longer and during a routine exam I found out that I was dilated. Not extremely uncommon, but it raised a red flag nontheless. I certainly didn't want to go yet I was only about 30 weeks. Another week passed and every so often I would feel small contractions. The process had started and all I could do was attempt to slow it down. My Doctor put me on strict bedrest. Ha yeah right. My bed on the couch lasted all of .....hmmm...2 hours and next thing you know, I am up fixing lunch, changing the kids etc.. No fault to Arik, I mean he did what he could, but I really think that unless you have hired help, strict bedrest with a 1 and 2 yo was near impossible!
I was going in for weekly check-ups by mid-March and it was a Friday. I just knew something was different. My back was killing me, I couldn't get comfortable and the contractions would not stop. I was pretty sure it was going to be the day. Try as they might, the nurses couldn't stop the labor. After several attempts via drugs, my Doctor said, "Nicole these babies are coming whether we like it or not!" I breathed in a sigh of relief/fear. At that moment I felt so ready, yet so ...unready.
Labor and birth with the twins was fast. Everything from being wheeled down the hallway, to my Doctor suiting up to hearing them coax me into a push. Holding Arik's hand we welcomed our precious Ty into the world. I saw his little head and face and was overcome with emotion. Before I even had time to think any further I was being instructed to push again. There was going to be No time for a break in between, she was ready to come. My beautiful, pink little bundle of love Olivia came to us so quickly. The look that Arik and I shared at that moment will always be in my mind. We knew our lives had once again been changed forever.
I got to hold my babies briefly before they whisked them off. I remember looking at how perfect they were and how small! I felt like I had never touched something so delicate before. I kissed them both and handed them to the nurses. What a strange feeling it was, knowing that I couldn't hold them for sometime. Knowing that my babies were going to need extra care and attention because they were born at 34 weeks. I immediately felt lonely for not having them at my side.
The next two weeks were quiet possible the longest two weeks of my life. Arik and I shared and experience that only a parent who has had a child in the NICU would/could understand. I have to admit, there were several days that I felt extreme guilt that they were there. Could I have done more to keep them in me? But how silly of me to question God's plan. He certainly knew what he was doing. And let me tell you, those nurses in the NICU are angels. They taught me how to be a mother of premmies, what to expect, what to look forward to and many how to's. Even though I was not a first time Mom I still had a lot to learn.
When the two weeks were up I was able to bring my little Ty guy home. It was certainly bittersweet I thought as I placed a little bow on Olivia's head and set an easter egg next to her "crib" in the NICU. "You will be with us in a few days my sweet Olivia", I whispered to her.
The day after Easter our family felt complete as we brought Livi Bean home to meet her brothers.
This year has been surreal. I mean....I have 4 beautiful amazing children. I ask myself and God all the time, " Why do I deserve this?" I still can't believe it has been a year. I look at my little babies and they are not so little any more. It's amazing to me to watch their personalities take shape and how COMPLETLEY different they are already. Life has changed drastically, the attention that I get with the four kids is a little embarassing. I have people stop me on a daily basis. It's usually the same questions and of course my all time favorite statement, " Boy, you sure have your hands full!" ......'Yes, Yes I do, thanks for noticing'
Unfortunatley, today I am at work and we are to celebrate the twins birthday tomorrow, oddly enough I had my first delivery today. A young mother delivered her child on the bathroom floor and we literally arrived onscene just after. I had to suck in a big breath of air to keep from tearing up at the beauty of a new innocent life. As I wrapped the little baby and held him in my arms feelings of this day one year ago rushed back to me. I looked at that tiny little wrinkled face and thought of Ty and Olivia. How appropriate I thought.
To my sweet babies Ty and Olivia, I love you both more than you can imagine. You have brought such a joy to my heart. I can't wait to see what the next year has in store for us. Happy First Birthday!
Love,
Your Mother and your your friend forever
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